Sex

One of the interesting phenomena of sexual morality is that the same people who had quite a few sexual adventures in their youth may be the most insistent on the sexual purity of their own young people. Part of this may be that they are very aware of the risks that they took and they do not want any harm to come to their children. And it is true that sex can be very risky. There is the problem of disease. There is the problem of sexual violence. There is the problem of the extreme emotions and obsessions that can be associated with sex that can distract young people from preparing for their adult life or can cause emotional scars because they are not mature enough to handle them. There is the danger of premature parenthood, too many responsibilities at too young an age, again preventing them from preparing adequately for adult life.

Given all of these risks and dangers, it is easy to push for abstinence as the safest course. And indeed, it is the safest course. What harm is there in waiting? Some ridicule by your peers. Maybe you feel you might miss out on the love of your life. Maybe you feel that you should experience the full measure of all of this love and excitement when you are young in heart and body, before the responsibilities of adulthood weigh you down and quench the flame.

It is the perennial argument. Seize the day versus taking the safe path. Parents naturally worry about their children and want to protect them. But there can also be harm in creating a feeling of mystery and forbidden fruit around sexuality. Even worse, it can be treated as something disgusting and reprehensible, instead of a natural part of life. And ultimately our children will likely be just like us. They will rebel. They will take risks without enough thought for the consequences. They will be curious and want to explore. Probably the best we can do is to make sure they understand the risks and to try to take the pressure off them by encouraging them to wait, while helping them understand that sex is a natural part of life and not some centrally important goal that will solve all their problems.

But it is not just young people who need to grapple with the morality of sex. In general, is it wrong to have sex outside of marriage? If it does no harm and it is not too risky, what are the downsides to it? Maybe it could be argued that it does not create a good example for the young people. But we can still argue that they are too young and should wait. Maybe if it becomes too obsessive? But then it is doing harm. Maybe if it a betrayal of trust? Then again, it is doing harm. If safe sexual practices are used, the risks of disease and unwanted children are minimized. Given all of these caveats, it is difficult to make a case that sex in itself is wrong.

What about particular sexual practices? Here again, if it does no harm and is not too risky, what can we really say about it. It is a personal preference. But what if the practices are degrading and exploitative? This would be harmful. What if you were not entirely sure of your partner and what they might do? Then it would be too risky. What if it becomes too obsessive and takes over your life? Then it is harmful.

So the final recommendation is to be practical, consider the potential harm and risks, and try to make a good decision. And in particular protect children while trying to give them as realistic a view of sex as possible, not giving it too much importance.